Shooting Star
by Lady Azura
Summary: After an unsuccessful suicide attempt, Cam returns to Degrassi in hopes of starting fresh. AU.
1. Fresh Start

Summary: _After an unsuccessful suicide attempt, Cam returns to Degrassi in hopes of starting fresh. AU_.

Disclaimer: Don't own _Degrassi_. 'Nuff said.

Author's Note: Because I'm still not over Cam's death, and I miss Camaya like you wouldn't believe.

X

**Shooting Star  
**_**Fresh Start**_

X

The scars were finally starting to heal.

Campbell Saunders stared down at the uneven gashes marring his forearm, still pink and easy to make out against the rest of his skin, but not nearly as bad as they _had_ been. Tugging at the sleeve of his hoodie to hide them, he did the same to the other arm before glancing out the window – just as the bus was pulling up to the school. He waited for everyone else to exit the bus before grabbing his belongings and stepping off, his heart pounding and palms sweating. It seemed even more intimidating than it had been the first time. Before, he had been, "Campbell Saunders: Superstar Hockey Prodigy." Now he was, if Facerange was anything to go by_, _"Suicide Kid."

Or he would've been, had he actually succeeded. Cam grimaced, remembering how some senior lingering around the greenhouse had found him. He didn't even remember the guy's name, just that he had remained surprisingly calm given the circumstances. He'd managed to keep him from bleeding out until the ambulance had arrived to take him to the hospital. After that, it had been a complete nightmare from being hooked up to a million IVs to having his family informed to sobbing about his _failure_ and subsequently being placed under Suicide Watch. Once that was all over and done with, he had been sent back home – his real home.

After an entire summer in therapy, he had been given a bunch of anti-depressants to take on a daily basis. Yet despite this and despite the fact that he was no longer homesick, he still wasn't _happy_. He wanted to go back to Degrassi and hang out with Maya again. He missed her more than anything, and even though he hadn't seen her since their sleepover and wasn't exactly sure where they stood now, he longed to see her smile and hold her hand again. He _needed_ her in his life. Needless to say, his decision to return to Degrassi had taken his family by surprise, but after a lot of pleading and promises on his part, they let him go – under the condition that he took his medication and saw the counselor three times a week.

Which is how he found himself standing in front of the school steps. Taking a deep breath to compose himself, Cam made his way inside.

The halls were crowded, as per usual. Guys fist-bumped each other and girls squealed in delight as they were reunited after a long summer. So far, he didn't see anyone he knew, but that was probably for the best. After maneuvering through and around throngs of students, Cam finally reached the office and stepped inside. The secretary was on the phone, and motioned for him to hold on. Fortunately, he didn't have to wait for long.

"Mister Simpson will see you now." She informed him.

Cam gave her a weak smile before making his way into Mr. Simpson's office, where he could see his principal mulling over the sheet of paper in front of him. He knocked on the threshold. Simpson immediately glanced up, and Cam could see how stressed out he looked.

"Ah, Campbell." He acknowledged the teen with a nod and stood up. "I was just told a week ago that you'd be… rejoining us." He handed Cam his schedule, although not without some hesitance. "You know… you'll be repeating grade ten, right?"

Cam nodded. He was well aware. He had missed nearly three months of school and hadn't been around to take his exams. "Yeah."

"Right. Uh, well… everything's been set up. Ms. Sauvé will see you every Monday, Wednesday and Friday during lunch. Do you have any questions or concerns?" Mr. Simpson asked.

"No, thanks. This is fine." Cam told him.

Simpson stared at him for a long time, as if trying to determine whether or not he was lying. Cam couldn't really blame him, not after he'd tried to take his life on school property of all places. That had been his first mistake, a voice in the back of his mind mocked. Cam's jaw clenched, but he managed to keep a straight face.

"Alright." Simpson said finally, letting out a sigh and returning to his seat. "Well, class should be starting soon so… don't be late."

"I won't." Cam was about to turn on his heel when Simpson called out to him once more.

"And Campbell?" Cam glanced over his shoulder. "It's good to have you back."

Cam mustered a weak smile.

"It's good to be back." He said quietly, before exiting the office.

After walking up and down the halls for about five minutes, Cam finally found his assigned locker. It wasn't near the rest of the Ice Hounds like last year – but then again, he wasn't an Ice Hound anymore. He wasn't anyone, really. He was just Cam, and that's all he ever wanted to be. After managing to get the lock open, he unzipped his backpack and took out his binder and a few extra pens before stuffing the rest of his belongings inside and closing it. Glancing down at his schedule, he noticed that his first class was Social Studies with Perino. He hadn't had Perino last year, but he'd heard from a couple teammates that he was a tough teacher. The thought didn't bode well with Cam. Without hockey, he needed good grades to get by, especially since he was already a year behind.

"No more negative thoughts. You can do this. Just keep your head up and stick on the ice." He muttered to himself.

He managed to find Perino's class without any trouble, just as the bell rang. As soon as he stepped through the door however, a hushed silence fell on the entire room. Conversations ceased immediately as all eyes turned on him. Cam could feel his heart pounding in his ears and swallowed hard, trying to ignore the stares as he glanced around for an empty seat until his gaze finally landed on one person in particular.

Maya.

His breath got caught in his throat, and he didn't know whether to run up to her and hug her or keep his distance. She looked like she had seen a ghost – her face had drained of all color, lips parted slightly and eyes swimming with an emotion that he couldn't quite identify. Anger? Betrayal? Hurt?

Before Cam could figure it out, a throat cleared behind him and he turned to see who he could only assume to be Mr. Perino standing in the doorway, coffee in hand. He looked about ready to reprimand him for something, but then stopped, as if realizing who Cam was – and it suddenly hit Cam that all the teachers must have known what happened.

"Take your seat, Saunders." Perino said finally, giving him a curt nod as he walked past him. "We've got a lot to cover today."

Cam could only nod, clutching his binder under his arm as he took the empty seat at the back corner of the class. As Perino began to write something on the board, Cam decided to chance a glance at Maya, who was sitting on the opposite side of the room, hoping to catch her gaze. But she just stared straight ahead.

X

**And that's the end of chapter one. How was it? Good? Bad? Delete it?**

**Please ****REVIEW**** and let me know!**


	2. Light

Disclaimer: Don't own _Degrassi_. 'Nuff said.

Author's Note: Sorry it took so long. I kept getting sidetracked. But here's chapter 2!

X

**Shooting Star  
**_**Light**_

X

Social Studies dragged on for what seemed like an eternity – far longer than Cam would have liked. He couldn't even bring himself to pay attention to what Perino was saying, even though he was sure it was important and sure it would be on a test – a test that he couldn't afford to fail now that hockey was no longer an issue. He wasn't even through one class yet and already he was distracted; his mind was elsewhere, or more specifically, on the blonde across the room. Cam couldn't stop glancing at Maya, desperately hoping to catch her gaze. He _needed_ to talk to her – to explain himself. Biting the edge of his thumb, Cam could feel his right knee beginning to tremble as he waited impatiently for class to end.

At long last, his prayers were answered. As the bell sounded, Cam scrambled to his feet, quickly gathering up his belongings and looking around for Maya, just in time to catch a glimpse of her as she disappeared out the door.

"Damn it," he muttered, fighting to hold onto his books as he raced out of the room. "Maya! Maya, wait! Please!" He called after her, practically shoving people out of the way in order to catch up to her.

He saw her glance over her shoulder, clearly exasperated, before quickening her pace. Cam followed suit, breaking into a sprint and somehow managing to maneuver through the crowded halls.

"Leave me alone, Cam. I have nothing to say to you." She told him once he was close enough to hear her.

"Maya, please… can we just talk?" He pleaded.

"About _what_?" He must have struck a nerve, because Maya came to an abrupt halt and spun around to face him, her eyes blazing. "How you almost _killed_ yourself? Because I _really_ don't want to talk about that, Cam!"

Cam winced, looking away guiltily before noticing that people around them had stopped what they were doing to watch the scene between him and Maya unfold. Not wanting an audience, Cam grabbed the blonde's hand before she could protest, feeling it tense in his grasp as he pulled her into an empty classroom nearby and away from prying eyes.

Once inside, Maya tore her hand away from his and moved to stand as far away from him as possible, her arms crossed and eyes downcast. Suddenly it occurred to him how much taller she seemed, and he wondered briefly if she had hit a growth spurt over the summer. Then he noticed what she was wearing – shorts that exposed far more leg than he was used to seeing, especially on _Maya_ of all people; a shirt that showed of her bellybutton, and red boots that caused her to almost tower over him. Then, of course, there was her hair and makeup –

"_What_?" Maya's voice snapped Cam out of his reverie.

He flushed, realizing he'd been caught practically ogling her like some pervert.

"N-nothing," he stammered, clearing his throat. "Uh… you just… you look different."

Maya promptly scoffed. "I'm not the same girl you _text-dumped_ five months ago."

Cam's heart sunk.

"I didn't… I didn't mean to hurt you, Maya." He said weakly, his voice cracking. "I never wanted that. I –"

"_Don't_." Maya cut him off. "_Just_… don't." Taking a deep, shaky breath, she combed her fingers through her blonde locks, clearly having some kind of inner conflict with herself and then let out a noise hat could've almost been mistaken for a sob, before throwing her hands up in frustration. "_God_ Cam, what happened? We had this perfect night together and then you just decide to…" she didn't finish, instead turning away from him so that he couldn't see that she was on the verge of tears.

Cam opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. It felt like a hand was wrapped around his neck, squeezing it tightly and making it difficult to breath, much less come up with the right answer.

"I was in a bad place, M." He croaked. "It had nothing to do with you – I promise. You… you made me happy. You were the only thing that kept me sane. You're… you're all I thought about when I was in the hospital and… and when I was at home…"

Maya laughed dryly. "Is that why you ignored all my texts and calls?"

Cam swallowed hard, realizing that she was right. He remembered getting her messages – every single _**'where r u?'**_ and _**'did i do something wrong?'**_ and _**'what's happening? plz call me!'**_ – and seeing all of her missed calls for weeks, but he had let them go unanswered, unable to bring himself to call her back. He'd been too afraid, and so he took the coward's way out and simply avoided it until she stopped, and now he had to deal with the fallout of his decision to do so. "I thought about calling you _so many_ times –"

"Then why didn't you?" She demanded, balling her fists.

Cam dropped his gaze. "I didn't… I didn't think you'd want to talk to me after what I did."

"I would've helped you! We could've gotten through this together! You didn't have to leave me in the dark or lie to me about being fine when you obviously weren't!" Maya cried.

"I-I know, okay? I shouldn't have lied to you. I should've been honest – about everything. But I got help. I'm getting better." He told her.

Maya's expression softened somewhat.

"That's good, Cam. I'm happy for you." She said quietly.

Mustering what courage he had, Cam took a few steps toward her. "I missed you so much, Maya…" Just as he was reaching for her however, Maya pulled back, shaking her head. Cam furrowed his brow in confusion. "What's wrong?"

"What's _wrong_?" Maya echoed disbelievingly. "You _lied_ to me about being okay when you weren't, you broke up with me through a vague text message, and then you tried to kill yourself. And now you just show up after ignoring me for _months_ and expect me to what? Run into your arms and pick up where we left off like nothing happened?"

Hearing her say it out loud, it occurred to Cam just how absurd it had been to think that Maya would actually do something like that, especially after what had happened. He had hurt her. He had betrayed her trust and he knew, deep down – as he had always known – that he didn't deserve her. She was too good for him, and now she knew just how messed up he was, just like Zig had predicted. He was nothing but poison to her, but at the same time, she was the only thing that kept him happy. She was his ray of light. It was selfish, but he _needed_ her.

"Please… just give me another chance." He begged, placing his hand over hers before she could react. "I know I messed up, but I'm better now. I need you in my life, Maya – even if it's just as a friend."

Maya remained silent, staring down at their hands with a blank expression.

Cam seized the opportunity to go on. "We can start from scratch. Only this time… no lies."

"No lies?" Maya repeated after a moment, hesitantly meeting his gaze.

Cam nodded. "No lies. I promise."

X

**And that's the end of chapter 2. Good? Bad? Meh?**

**Please ****REVIEW**** and let me know what you think!**


	3. Bygones be Bygones

Disclaimer: Don't own _Degrassi_. 'Nuff said.

Author's Note: I'm back! Don't worry, I haven't abandoned this fic. I've just been really busy with work and life in general, so I haven't had much time for writing lately. Anyway, I hope this chapter makes up for the wait. Thank you all for being so patient with me. It means a lot.

X

**Shooting Star  
**_**Bygones be Bygones**_

X

Cam was… well, "happy" would be something of an exaggeration. More like content. At ease. It felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off his chest, knowing that Maya didn't hate his guts and was willing to give him a second chance. Even though he would've much preferred to jump back into a relationship like they had the first time they broke up and pretend like he hadn't driven a wedge between them by trying to kill himself, he knew he couldn't do that. Not this time. He had messed up big time and he needed to fix it. He knew it would be asking too much to just forget what he had done. He was already on thin ice as it was and really, having Maya in his life at all was better than the alternative.

Now it was just a matter of gaining her trust and her love back, and proving to her that he could be a great boyfriend and that he wouldn't try to leave her again, especially not in such a selfish and cowardly manner.

So lost in his own thoughts, Cam didn't even hear a pair of footsteps approaching him until a familiar voice spoke up.

"Uh, hey Rook."

Cam stiffened, hesitating for a split second before slowly turning to face his former hockey captain. He hadn't seen or spoken to Dallas in months, and didn't really know what to say to him. Their last conversation hadn't exactly been a pleasant one, Cam thought grimly.

"So, uh…" Cam furrowed his brow slightly as he watched the older teen struggle to find the right words. Gone was the cocky, confident and suave team leader that Cam had come to know, replaced instead with a stranger who looked just like him but seemed completely unsure of himself. It was a little unsettling. "I just… I guess I wanted to apologize. For what I said before."

"_Stop being so selfish! __**Hockey**__ is more important than your __**stupid**__ junior high drama!"_

"_The whole team is counting on you, Cam! __**You**__!"_

"_Get your head on, man. And stop crying where everyone else can see – it's embarrassing."_

Snapping back to reality, Cam kept his face passive and shrugged.

"S'fine." He mumbled. In all honesty, he didn't want to think about that day, or the day after. He knew it wasn't Dallas's fault for why he did what he did. He was messed up long before he had even crossed paths with him. "It's over."

Dallas opened his mouth to respond, then faltered just as the bell rang. Closing his locker, Cam shouldered his backpack and tried to think of a way out.

"I have to catch my bus." He said.

"Right." Dallas nodded in understanding. "Me too."

Cam nodded stiffly. "I'll, um… see you around."

"Yeah."

Breathing a sigh of relief, Cam was about to walk away when Dallas called out to him once more.

"Listen, Rook… if you ever need to talk…" He didn't finish his sentence, but Cam knew what he was trying to say and appreciated the sentiment, even if it was a little weird coming from Mike Dallas of all people.

"Thanks." He said, giving him a small smile before turning around and heading down the hall.

As he exited into the parking lot and began to make his way over to his bus, he just so happened to spot a face – Zig Novak – standing by the dumpster with two other boys. Fists curling and jaw clenching, Cam tried not to think about his last encounter with the younger boy, or his paranoia that Zig was trying to steal Maya – his _only_ ray of light in a dark and gloomy world – from him. Just then, Zig spared a glance in his direction, the color draining from his face almost instantly. A familiar feeling, similar to what he had felt right before their last conversation, washed over Cam. No, he was still there. He was alive and despite Zig's best efforts to get rid of him so that he could have Maya all to himself, he was there to stay.

With that in mind, Cam boarded the bus.

oOo

Cam didn't know what compelled him to do it. He had just finished his homework and after staring at the computer screen for what seemed like hours, he logged onto his Facerange account. He was quickly bombarded with messages – the majority of them well over three months old – from teammates, classmates, and even the occasional stranger that he had never crossed paths with (that he knew of, anyway) in his life. There were even a couple from Tristan and Tori, although none from Maya, which made his heart sink a little bit. He couldn't really blame her, though. He _had_ gone out of his way to ignore her calls and texts. It only made sense that she would eventually take it as a hint and cease communication altogether.

With a grimace, Cam then began the process of deleting most of the messages, except the ones from his friends and family. He made a mental note to read those later. Once that task was done, he updated his profile and removed himself from the official Ice Hounds page. Given that he was no longer an Ice Hound, there was no reason for him to be listed anymore.

He was just about to upload a new picture of himself when he caught sight of a familiar name at the bottom of the page.

_Maya Matlin_.

Curious to see what she had been up to while he had been absent, Cam clicked on her page. He tried to read some of her statuses and comments, but half of them were completely incoherent and made no sense to him. It wasn't until he started looking through her pictures – reminding himself all the while that he wasn't a creep by doing it – that the pieces started to fall into place, and he began to regret clicking on her page in the first place.

Scantily-clad and obviously drunk, sitting on various boys' laps and _kissing_ them… he couldn't believe his own eyes. There was no way this was Maya. Not _his_ Maya, anyway. No. Maya didn't do things like this. She didn't get wasted at parties and kiss random guys. The comments (_"Looking good, Matlin!" "At least __**one**__ of them puts out!"_) were even worse, making his blood boil and his jaw clench and the more he scrolled, the more nauseous he got. He wanted to scream. He wanted to –

_**BEEP**_.

Cam's hands, now clammy, trembled as he clicked on Skype, bringing up another window and revealing Maya Matlin in all her glory.

The universe really had it out for him, it seemed.

"Hey." The blonde greeted, giving him a small wave.

He recognized the posters behind her. She was in her room.

"Hey." He mumbled.

Maya furrowed her brow in concern. "What's wrong?"

_Everything_.

"Nothing." He lied, a little harsher than he intended. He quickly back-peddled, running a hand through his hair. "Sorry, I'm just… it doesn't matter. Uh, what's up?"

He knew it sounded lame, but it as all he could think of.

"Oh, um… nothing much." Maya replied, playing with a loose curl. "Actually… I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tomorrow. Or whenever – it's up to you. We could catch a movie or get a bite to eat at –"

"Don't you have some other guy you'd rather be _hanging out_ with?" Cam blurted, unable to hide the bitterness in his voice.

Confusion flickered across Maya's face. "What are you talking about?"

Well, it was too late to turn back now.

"I saw those pictures, Maya!" He croaked. "They're all over your Facerange! You and – and that guy and –"

Maya's expression hardened. "Oh. Right. Those…"

How could she possibly be so nonchalant?

"_Really_? That's _all_ you have to say?" Cam cried disbelievingly.

Who was this girl and what had she done with the real Maya Matlin?

The blonde before him promptly scoffed.

"What's the big deal? You broke up with me, Cam – I don't have to explain myself, not this time!" She snapped, her eyes blazing. "God, you're starting to sound like Zig!"

"_Zig_?" Cam echoed. "You're bringing _him_ into this?"

Maya threw her hands up in frustration.

"_What_ is your problem?" She demanded. "We weren't together when any of this happened! You never answered any of my calls so I… tried to move on!"

"So you decide it's okay to just throw away your self-respect and act like some kind of –" He stopped himself, even though the damage was already done.

"Like some kind of _what_, Cam?" Maya challenged coldly. "A _slut_? Go on. _Say it_. It's nothing I haven't heard before."

Cam shook his head frantically. "No, you're not. I didn't…"

Why was he always messing everything up?

"I never slept with them." Maya went on, bringing his attention back to her. "I kissed them and I… I did some other stuff that I'm not proud of, but I never…" she trailed off, looking down at her lap. "I'm not the same girl from before, Cam. And if you can't accept that, then this isn't going to work after all."

"Maya –"

"I have to go." She said, cutting him off.

Before Cam could protest, the screen went black.

She had disconnected.

Cam stared at the screen for a few seconds longer, trying to process what had just happened. When realization finally dawned, panic set in and the junior quickly scrambled to his feet.

No… no, no no…

This wasn't supposed to happen. This was supposed to be _his_ year – the year everything was going to get better for him and he'd finally be happy, but he hadn't even been back at Degrassi for a day and he'd already managed to mess it all up.

"Damn it!" He hissed, grabbing the closest object to him (which, thankfully, was a pillow and not something breakable) and hurling it across the room.

Biting the corner of his thumb, he began to pace back and forth frantically, his mind racing and heart hammering so hard against his ribcage that it felt as though it was going to burst right out of his chest. It was suddenly becoming more difficult to breathe and even scarier, he found himself searching for something sharp. He practically tore apart his backpack in his quest, looking for _something_ – _anything_ at all – that would do the trick, eventually fishing out an old protractor and sitting on the edge of his bed. In a trance, Cam rolled up the sleeve of his hoodie and stared down at the already marred flesh that was only just starting to heal over. Finding a spot that was untouched, he pressed the tip of the protractor to his skin and began to add more and more pressure, but snapped back to reality and stopped before he could draw any blood.

Tossing the protractor aside and not caring where it landed, Cam buried his face in his hands with a muffled sob, shoulders slumping in defeat.

He couldn't do it. He'd promised himself that he wouldn't and if he did, what would that prove in the end?

No. He needed to be strong. He couldn't let himself go to that dark place – not again.

He needed to show everyone that he was better now and he needed to start by making things right with Maya.

Now.

oOo

In retrospect, he probably should've brought an umbrella with him but as luck would have it, it only started to downpour _after_ he had snuck out. But he was a man on a mission and even though his clothes clung to his body uncomfortably and the autumn air nipped at his skin and made his teeth chatter, he forced himself to keep walking, gradually picking up speed with every step he took.

When he finally arrived, the lights were off and the driveway was empty. Cam wasn't sure if Maya was home but he decided to knock anyway, praying that she was. Not that he knew what he was going to say – he hadn't really thought that far ahead. But what if she didn't want to talk to him? Just as Cam was beginning to have second thoughts, the door opened and Maa stood before him looking worse for wear. It was painfully obvious that she had been crying – her eyes were puffy and her face was blotchy – and he felt like an even bigger asshole, knowing that it was probably his fault.

He fully expected her to slam the door in his face – honestly, he wouldn't have blamed her if she had – but instead, much to his surprise, the blonde took one look at him and just stepped aside, leaving the door wide open for his entry. He seized the opportunity, hurrying inside and quickly ridding himself of his shoes, socks and sopping wet hoodie. As Maya turned and began to head up the stairs, Cam followed like an obedient puppy. No words were spoken until they reached her room, when Maya finally broke the silence.

"You're soaked." She noted passively.

Cam gave her a sheepish look. "Yeah, well… the rain kinda came out of nowhere."

Maya nodded before folding her arms across her chest and glancing away.

"What are you doing here, Cam?"

Cam swallowed hard, and took a deep breath to gather his thoughts.

"I… I wanted to apologize… for what happened earlier. For what I said." He told her. "You were right. I had no right to be mad and I shouldn't have… made you feel bad about trying to move on. I'm sorry, Maya. I –"

Before he could finish, Maya had closed the distance between them, cupping the back of his neck with her hands and kissing the corner of his mouth. He stiffened, unsure how to respond. Part of him wanted to pull her close and never let her go but the other part of him was too confused to _deal with it_ and wanted to push her away. So he just stood there like an idiot until the blonde pulled away.

"I missed you." She confessed.

"I… I missed you too, M." He breathed.

Maya mustered a weak smile before leaning up and capturing his lips in another kiss. This one was nothing short of forceful and desperate and as her tongue invaded his mouth for the first time ever, all thoughts ceased and his hands fell to her hips, holding them tightly as he fought against his more primitive urges. Despite his skin being cold and damp from walking around in the rain earlier, his entire body somehow felt like it was on fire and he soon found himself responding just as eagerly, pouring everything he had into it even as his lungs screamed for oxygen. Finally, the blonde broke the kiss for air, panting against the crook of his neck softly, her warm breath sending chills down his spine and making him weak in the knees. He couldn't even think straight, and it wasn't until her fingers began fumbling with his belt buckle that Cam snapped out of his reverie.

"Maya?" He mumbled.

"Shhh…" she hushed gently, peering up at him. Noticing his expression, her own softened and she reached up with her free handle to cradle the side of his face, stroking his cheek with her thumb. "Don't worry. I'll take it from here."

Cam simply nodded, and as her lips found his neck once more, he closed his eyes and gave into her.

X

**And that's the end of chapter 3. Hopefully, you guys enjoyed. I tried to make it longer to make up for the long wait.**

**Maya's not really herself. There's a reason for it. And Cam's still not COMPLETELY okay, given his reaction to seeing Zig for the first time since his suicide attempt. He's still paranoid that Zig's trying to steal Maya away from him, but anyway…**

**Please ****REVIEW**** and let me know what you think!**


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